New Love Life

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

WOW, Life Changing Events

As I look back on the last few months I can hardly believe what has just occurred in my life. Even now it doesn't seem real at times. It seems fitting to add this to my EXCESS is NECESSARY blog. I met and married an incredible man in 10 weeks. I will relate the events as I remember them from emails and such.

It was the end of September or maybe the first part of October, I was changing a flat tire and a customer who had been helped by one of the other employees was staring at me. I looked up and told him that he could come back in February for 1/2 price on a tune-up. He left and I didn't think about him again until I was reminded about the incident later on. A few weeks later one of the younger employees approached me with trepidation and asked if I'd be interested in going out with a customer that had noticed me. I asked Trace several questions about this customer, did he have children?, what did he look like?, etc. I didn't remember him at the time. Trace had an answer for all my questions. He and Todd had talked at length. After the last horrible set up I wasn't sure I wanted to but, I finally agreed to allow Trace to tell Todd he could contact me. You can't have too many friends, right? Todd called the store on Friday October 11th in the late afternoon or evening. We were busy but I gave him my email address and didn't really have much hope of anything working out. The following is the email Todd sent to me later that day.

On Fri, Oct 11, 2013 at 8:13 PM, Todd Dornberger wrote:

Hi Joni,
It was nice to talk with you today. I really appreciate you giving me your info, and look forward to talking with and hopefully meeting you soon.
My name is Todd Dornberger and I'm 49 years old (50 in February) I'm short (5'6) about 170 lbs and in pretty good shape for an old guy.
I'm divorced (final last May, but living in separate states for the previous 2 years) Also, I don't have any kids.
I like to ride my 6-speed beach cruiser and hike, etc. I am pretty educated (AA, BA, MS) and am a stock broker with Fidelity investments.
I'm originally from San Diego, California and Love living here in Utah (though I'm not LDS which I hope isn't an issue-I'm actually Catholic,
but not active for many years) I do attend a local Christian Church periodically (Calvary Chapel) Anyhow, here is a picture of me about 1 year ago,
though I look basically the same now. I will call you here in a few minutes. Hope you're not disappointed. -Todd-

Hi Again Joni, It was really nice to talk with you tonight and get to know you a little better.
I'm very much looking forward to talking with you more soon and getting to spend time with you next Saturday.
I will call you again in a day or 2 to see how you're doing. See You Soon:}

We discussed going out to eat possibly next saturday but Todd stopped by the shop the next day and I agreed to get something to eat as I was starving.
Saturday, October 12 First date to Magelby's Fresh. He was a real gentleman, opened doors, helped with my jacket, held my seat, etc. It's been a long time since I had been treated like a woman. We had a nice conversation and talked about a lot of different things including whether I'd marry a non-LDS man. In the car on the way home I knew he wanted to kiss me as he was very affectionate, including kissing my hands and neck. I felt a bit uncomfortable and just didn't know what he expected as he had such a different background from myself. I was very much intrigued with him but wasn't sure I could date him. I decided to send the following email so he would know where I was coming from.

October 13, 2013
Todd, I think you are a great guy. However, I want to be honest with you, I'm having really mixed feelings about our association.
I'm sorry to send this in an email but not quite sure how to bring this up in our verbal conversation.
I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable with all the compliments. I also get the impression that you want a much more intimate relationship than I can give you.
For me, anything more than friendly hand holding and a simple non-passionate good night kiss is reserved for marriage.
I can't continue in a relationship where I'm uncomfortable, wondering what you may expect from me.
I'm looking for a relationship with someone who can support and join with me in my religious activities.
I don't know that we have enough in common to make a relationship work.
I'm flattered by the attention and enjoyed the time we spent together.
Thank you, Joni

Because he doesn't get email at work, I didn't know when he would actually read it. He called or texted me on Monday which is my wedding anniversary, he kept texting me and I asked in a text if he'd gotten my email. I finally told him that it was my anniversary and I was at the cemetary. He sent the following email.

10.14.2013 8:57PM
Dear Joni, I must preface this by stating that I'm very sorry about my timing today.
I had no idea about what was going on and would not have have sent the texts I did had I known-my timing could not have been more awful.
My heart breaks for you over your loss, I've had my share in this life and do understand to a point.
Also, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable in any way and won't do so again.
I hope we can talk about all of this a little bit in order to sort it out if the chance arises.
Please know that you can talk with me about anything and feel comfortable in doing so (if you wish too)
I am at Starbucks now and they are getting ready to close, so I'll end by stating that I respect your stance and will conduct myself accordingly in any future interactions. Hope we can talk about matters at some point, and I'd very much enjoy seeing you/doing things as friends. Best -Todd-

On Tue, Oct 15, 2013 at 9:31 AM, Joni Andrews wrote:
Todd, Thank you, you are so sweet. Your response made me cry, happy tears. I really hoped you would understand.
Your friendship means a lot to me. I would like to continue getting to know you.
I'd love to talk with you this evening, 8:30ish would work well for me.
Friends, Joni

We talked that evening around 8:30 and worked things out. We decided to go to dinner and a movie and I thought things were cool until he suggested an R-Rated movie. I knew it was going to be an on-going struggle to maintain my values church standards.

Hi Joni, How are you? It was fun texting with you tonight while things were so slow at work.
Yes, they have our personal e-mail accounts, Twitter, Facebook, etc. blocked on our work computer firewalls.
My phone is my deal though, and while they prefer we don't have them out on the Brokerage floor, everyone does it anyways!
The big thing is not to be taking pictures.
Thank you for finding us an alternate movie. The one you picked was actually the one I initially thought of, though decided on "Rush"
because the story seemed cool: car racing for the guys and a romantic sub-plot for the ladies.
Anyhow, I honestly didn't know or consider the rating on it and will in the future.
We have a 7 pm reservation for Chef's Table on Saturday and I am so excited to go-I'll pick you up about 6:30.
I checked out the menu and already know what I am having! Here is the link to it for you:
As a former Chef I'm well aware that this will be a great fine dining experience, quite possibly the best in Utah.
I am so happy to share it with such a fine and classy lady:} and can hardly wait until Saturday.
Talk With You Real Soon, -Todd-

Dinner was fabulous and the movie was excellent. Todd was going to take me home but I suggested we go up South Fork? Don't ask me why? We almost ran out of gas and I knew it was a bit risky once we got up the canyon in the dark. He was a true gentleman and we didn't stay long.
I had him come to the house on Sunday and meet my chilren and grandkids.

Todd sent me a text and told me he was starting the missionary disscussions. From here things escalated so quickly it is rally a big blur.

Things I have observed and love about you: You are kind, grateful, appreciative, determined,
fiercely loyal, generous, affectionate, sweet, gentle, tender, loving, willing to express your feelings,
self motivated, happy, not afraid to be silly or a little goofy, smart, genuine, frugal, a true gentleman,
helpful, should I keep going? I love you.

Things that concern me:
We have very little in common, other than we are both single, lonely people who are extremely attracted to each other.
I don’t think that is enough to create a strong marriage.
The only thing we ever seem to talk about is how much we are attracted to each other and how strong the attraction
and affection for each other is growing. You seem to have me on a pedestal, but I’m far from this perfect person you seem to think I am,
I don’t know how you will react when I finally do something that you disagree with, which I’m sure I will. It’s bound to happen at some point.
We have known each other for less than a month and have been on our best behavior so to speak.
We haven’t had enough time to see how the other will react in different situations and under stress.
I feel you have very strong feelings and form opinions very quickly. You asked me a few nights ago what had changed in
regards to my wanting to get married right away. A wakeup call if you will, happened a few nights ago.
I kind of flippantly made a statement that you so strongly reacted to, it startled me.
Your entire demeanor changed. I hadn’t seen that side of you before and I have to wonder what else I don’t know about you.
We simply haven’t known each other long enough. If you should choose not to join the church or take up cycling, what will we have in common?
My entire life revolves around my church activities, family, and cycling.
It seems to me your new career path will simply take you away from me for extended periods of time.
Your life is changing a lot right now and it feels like I’m simply waiting for you to change.
I don’t know that, that is fair. I know I love you and want to be with you, I just want you to be happy.
You have brought so much joy and happiness into my life. This past month with you has meant so much to me.
It has given me a new lease on life. The last two years have been very difficult and I was becoming more and more discouraged about what life held for me.
I want you to know how much your love means to me and that I truly do love you and want to be a part of your life. Joni

Todd was baptized on December 7th by his friend Jake Harris who's house we had been receiving the missionary discussions.
We were married on December 19th

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